Blog
Danni Colello
my blog will show you the mind of a young developing writer.
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." Maya Angelou
my blog will show you the mind of a young developing writer.
This blog post is about my narrative project. Which is about the time I had to make the biggest 911 call of my life. Connecting to the blog post are these three videos from Mr.Manginis English composition class. From the classic film, the Wizard of OZ.Wizard of Oz: If I Only Had The Brain, Heart, Nerve , Wizard of Oz: Meeting the Wizard, Wizard of Oz: You've Always Had the Power. My narrative allows me to travel into my brain because I remember thinking that I had to do something I didn’t know what, but something needed to happen that night. I was completely in fight or flight mode and although flight was my usual go to, I knew I needed to fight that night. Years later I now am able to see how brave and courageous I was as a child which is even more out of left field because I had no friends and was always picked on growing up. How had I had this confidence and strength against a grown man when I couldn’t even stand up for myself to come children on the jungle gym. My narrative allows me to explore my heart from back then because the scene I am composing is from a very emotionally evoking time of my life, I am able to feel the fear and anger and the adrenaline comes rushing back from this night. Now I can depict from it that it was the absolute most pivotal moment in my entire life, and I feel empathy slightly for a man who was supposed to be my father but had so many mental problems and was such an intense addict he couldn’t ever step up to the plate. I also feel resentment looking back toward my mother, she was the adult she was the one who was supposed to protect me. Why at 5 and 7 and 12 years old did I have to protect her. My narrative meets the nerve element by showing you how much pent up abuse had been involved how this was the braking point after years and years. Living and growing up with an addict is very confusing. You joke around with them about something one second and the next you’re a bad person for repeating what they just said. You’re taught to tell people if it’s not safe at home, but you also learn “don’t tell anyone about daddy or you might lose mommy”. Even when You do tell a few teachers in your elementary school about “daddy” nothing ever comes of it and you learn that no one really wants to help, but you also learn to reach out for help if you need it, right. My narrative enables me to re-examine the power I have in my life’s story because at the time I felt so helpless and scared and I was just acting on pure instinct. Authoring the story from my point of view has helped me realize that I truly was in control in that moment. I held the power to end the suffering that I had prayed would end one day. I thought as a child that I always needed someone to come into my life and “save me” but I really held the power all along. I realize I have more control of my life than I think I do at times. We cannot control what happens to us in life; only how we react to it. For this reason, I would say that what shapes us is the “stories” we tell our self, or how we react.
5 Comments
Danielle Colello
Professor Mangini English Comp. 100 2-7-19 My blog post #4 is about the first time I lost my sense of home by a very controlling important male figure in my life. I am connecting this theme of home, and even deeper theme of losing the essence of “home” to the story, “Hills Like White Elephants.”. In the Story the Girl is being guided and pushed by this strong male role in her life to make a decision, during this decision-making process she loses her sense of direction in that she doesn’t know which of the two paths/ decisions will lead her ‘home”. The white snowflakes gently glided to the ground, I watched in amazement as the sun was slowly making its way down, but the light of this day was still so bright. “Danni!” Hollered my Mother from the front door. “Your hot chocolate is ready!” Instantly I hustled my tiny cold feet inside, waiting for me was a mug of hot chocolate with more white marsh mellows than I could count, and sitting beside it was my green blankey. As I sipped on my sweet hot chocolate and watched dragon tales cuddled up with my blankey I hardly noticed the sun continuing to descend from the sky. Suddenly I couldn’t fight this strong urge to fall asleep right there at the table. I awoke in instant panic as my blankey had disappeared. “Blankey?!” I shouted. I started looking all around me as the dim, remaining light of this day peeking into the kitchen was seeming to hold out a while longer than usual. I looked out the window almost hoping to find my answer in the remaining light the sunset was giving off. The darkness was almost chasing the sun away now. And finally, I see my dad out of the window stumbling his way back to the house from the garbage cans on the side of the road. He has that look on his face where you weren't sure what he would do, but you just knew to stay out of his way. He swings open the front door as I hear muffled swear words. “uh oh.” I thought. “When is this fucking snow going to stop!?” he rhetorically slurred. “Daddy!” I tried to fight back tears. “What?!” “Daddy I can’t, I can’t find my blankey.” As hot tears slowly rolled down my face and my heart dropped to my stomach he responded,” That old dirty fucking rag? That’s gone its time to grow up Danni!” The sun had set at this point, and darkness was touching everything in its grips. I looked out of the window once more and noticed it had stopped snowing completely. “But, but daddy!” “Its time to fucking grow up, now go to bed!” he screamed as he slammed his hand on the table. All I could smell was the putrid wrenching scent of whiskey. As my dad threw back the remaining hot chocolate and marshmallows in my mug, I ran to my room refusing to hold back my tears and emotions at this point, my heart was racing, I was sweating I felt as though my whole world and my safety had been taken from me. As I sat in bed with all of the lights off unable to stop thinking about my blankey, I gazed out of the window one last time as if I would find some answer from the night sky. High above me was the waning crescent moon, I stared for a while as I tried to understand. I didn’t know what had truly happened to my blankey but I knew it was apparently, “Time to fucking grow up.” I laid down on my barbie sheets to try and fall asleep so in turn I could wake up from this bad dream. But I knew the real monster wasn’t going to get me in my dream, I knew the real monster was "home". 2/2/2019 5 Comments February 02nd, 2019Danielle Colello
Professor Mangini Eng Comp 100 2/2/19 Composing an Emotional Scene My blog post is about the time I move in with my first love and his family, Connecting to the theme of new identity. In the story, “My Name Is Margaret.” Margaret’s identity is taken and she is given a new one however she stays true to who she is and knows her true self. In this post I will show you the single instance that changed my life forever and how my identity was inadvertently stripped, and I was given a new chance to create my own identity and learn who I really am. “Ding-Dong.” I sprung up from the garbage bags I was filling, and raced down the stairs to answer the door, my steps thudded like a jack rabbit on a hot date. “Hey!” exclaimed Josh with the warmest smile you could ever feel. I smushed my face on to his as he picked me up and held me for a moment that I wished could last forever. I could smell his diesel cologne so strongly, as I tasted his sweet lips against mine. We continued back up the stairs and Josh and I picked up separate garbage bags and were rushing to fill them with everything in sight in my bedroom. I could feel my heart pounding as I was sweating and peeking out the window every few minutes. “We have to hurry up before my mom comes home.” I said to josh. He started taking the bags out to the car as I finished packing up the last few things. I began to look around the now empty room and recollected on all of the pain and loneliness I've felt over the years in here. I was beyond ready for this next chapter in my life. “Okay!” I said as i shut the locked door leaving my only key on the coffee table inside. “Let’s go.” I said to Josh, both of us smiling from ear to ear. “Here I come New York.” I thought as we pulled out of my old neighborhood. The conversations didn’t stop the entire ride as I asked Josh a million questions about what he likes, his hobbies, what we could do for fun, what I can do for a job out there, ect. Although nothing really mattered as long as we were together. So finally, as we pass the thousandth exit sign still showing were in Connecticut I asked him, “So what did your Dad say when you asked him if it was okay that I came to live with you guys?” “Well, so about that…” josh stammered. “So I didn’t really actually ask.” He said with a guilty smile smacked all over his face. “What?!” I shouted, “JOSH! Well that if he says no?” The pounding of my heart came racing back. “It’ll be fine!” promised Josh. We both nervously laughed but once our eyes locked all of my anxiety and doubt melted away, and this (whatever this was between us), this felt like home. As time passed I began to see a skyline in the distance, and there it was, ”Welcome To New York State.” Read the sign. We were here. As we drove through the streets, I began to see these giant skyscrapers bigger than anything I’ve ever seen before that moment. In fact, I couldn’t even see the tops of them. The food carts on the sidealks, greesy food filled my nostrils as we passed honking cars and people laughing and smoking sitting on their front porches. We were getting close I could feel it. “Would his dad tell be to go back home?” my subconscious worried as I knew this adventure to Pelham was closing in on an end. The car stops in the driveway, “Were here!” exclaimed josh. We bust out of his black GTI Bags in hand and run up the few stairs to his front porch, and Josh holds the screen door open for me as he pushes open the front door, “Daad!” josh dragged out, “Were homeee!” Joshes dad, Lew walks out from the kitchen, “Well hey guys, what’s all this?” motioning to all the garbage bags we have in hand. “Well, ya see dad, I kinda thought that it would just be better for a lot of reasons if danni just came and lived with us! She’s gonna get a job and we can figure everything out!” said Josh “Josh.” Said Lew, holding his head, shaking it, thinking for a moment that felt like forever. With two fingers resting on his temples he sighed and said.” Alright look I’m not going to tell you to turn around and go the hell back home. This is something we all are going to have to talk about but I guess, we can try this and see how it goes. Your mother hasn’t tried to contact you?” “No” I responded Lew began to nod his head and said, “Okay sweetheart.” A single tear fell from my eye as we both jumped on Lew thanking him from the bottom of our hearts. We ran up the stairs and immediately started dumping out the bags to find permanent places for all of my belongings. The next morning, I awoke and opened my eyes, for a second I thought, “What the?” forgetting where I was. And then I turned next to me and saw Josh asleep, illuminated from the skylight and morning sun. I touch him, and It physically feels good to touch him, like our energies were being exchanged. I’ve never experienced this before. So many new experiences awaited me in this new life. As I nuzzle into Josh he, still half asleep, intertwines his body with mine and I think to myself for the first time in my life,” This really is home.” |
Archives
April 2019
CategoriesAll Identity Narrative Reflection Research Project Writing Process |